A few scraps on Orkut!

Actual transcripts of a conversation (through scraps) that i had with this lame ass punk... It's hilarious! I'm checking my scraps and going through the usual - whazzzzaaasss and the "Hi, how's it goings???" When i come across this -

Harsh: are u asian?

I was like "huh?" Is this guy for real? So i replied -

Maxim: Aren't you?

I thought he'd get the point with that... I don't even know this guy and he goes through my profile and even scraps me the dumbest thing anyone could think of. 48 hours later -

Harsh: im not asian lol just asking, no hard feelings

So i was like -

Maxim: Well, Newsflash! If you are an Indian you are Asian by default!

Guess what i have on my scrapbook three days later (20th March 2008)?

Harsh: no indians are caucaseans
ilike me

What in the name of...??? Is this guy playing stupid or is he truly being himself? OK, now I've been through this guys profile and he's a 19 year old kid... I thought I'd better enlighten him before he gets ridiculed by... well people in general...

Maxim: Errr... Firstly the right spelling for that word is 'Caucasian' and secondly i would advise you to check that word in the dictionary or run it on Google or something before you choose to display your ignorance and have people ridicule you!

And he's like -

Harsh: u chinese shit

At this point i still haven't lost my patience (or have i?) So still smiling, i typed -

Maxim: I'm really sorry! It's hard to discern whether you are angry at me or whether you are teasing me or insulting me without the appropriate punctuation or smiley used in your scrap! I do hope you looked "Caucasian" up before telling someone else that you're one... It would certainly be a huge embarrassment! I mentioned about your ignorance to my friends and they laughed their asses off... Why do you think I've still kept your scraps in my scrapbook? It's hilarious to see someone, reasonably educated, make a fool of himself like that! Narrows down your career options greatly as well!!! LoL :P

Within seconds -

Harsh: oh ffs, plz

I think he's finally found something that i don't understand. I throw in the towel -

Maxim: Never mind!

People like this do exist... I've finally become a believer! I'm surely documenting more of such freaks that i encounter... Well he's still not bright enough to delete his scraps from my scrapbook so feel free to access his account through his scraps if you have nothing better to do... Also readers are requested to light a candle and whisper a little prayer for this person who has lost his mind... It's a terrible loss indeed!

P.S.: I'm such a sarcastic ba$!^#d!

10 tips to celebrate Valentine's Day for Singles

February 14^th creates a spur of festivity and bliss for many couples every year. There’s a buzz of what one will wear and where they’d go and… ahem… what they would do! But is this season of love only restricted to those who have found (or at least think they have found) that significant other? What about those on whom cupid has not smiled as graciously? Do they not deserve to partake in this celebration of Love?

Certainly one wouldn’t want to feel left out at such a joyous occasion. But how can one, not favoured by Aphrodite (Greek Goddess of Love), take part in these festivities? Here are some wacky ideas for what the members of the Lonely Hearts Club could possibly do to celebrate Valentine’s Day –

1. Snuggle up with your favourite bottle of booze… There’s no better companion for the lonely guy or girl than a Johnnie Walker or a Tia Maria.
2. Create an imaginary friend and serenade him/her. Nothing like speaking to yourself under the moonlit sky.
3. Spread out an Ouija Board and summon the spirits of Cleopatra or Casanova or any historic figure that has crossed over to the other side. Take a stroll on the ethereal plains with these immortalised personalities.
4. Take a hike in the woods somewhere. Study the courtship and mating rituals of the Adivasis. It’d be a good idea to participate in their witchcraft and pagan rituals to increase your fertility.
5. Join the Shiv Sainiks for one day and thrash some Valentine’s Day party. You can also choose between the ravaging of a local Archie’s Gallery and the bashing of suspicious couples.
6. Try to establish inter-galactic contact with Extra Terrestrials… Nothing like a budding romance in deep space with your favourite alien.
7. Ambush unsuspecting couples on their date and murder them. Become famous for being the Valentine Serial Killer.
8. Sport a T-shirt says – ‘Single and loving it!’ Your other T-shirt choices could be ‘I’m Single… You’re Scr*wed’, ‘Who needs a Valentine?’ or ‘No thanks, I choose life!’
9. Join one of your friends and his/her boyfriend/girlfriend on their date. Make sure you pretend you are not looking when they’re kissing or talking about mushy stuff.
10. Arrange a ‘Singles Anonymous’ meet and have people share their life stories and how they can turn the whole situation around and emerge stronger in life.

It is important to remember that in most cases you may not be alive to recount your experiences for others. So make sure your actions are filmed for academic as well as entertainment purposes. Lastly, the writer of this article (who is single as well) can neither guarantee the effectiveness of these methods nor vouch that these tips have been tried and tested. These tips are based on the writer’s imagination… I mean… intuition and the results of these have been covered by the government for security reasons. Here’s wishing all you singles out there A Happy Valentine’s Day!

P.S.: I know it's a little off the season, but the only reason i delayed this post was because it was written for my office magazine. Obviously it wasn't used (because the magazine never did launch), but i thought why not post it and make good use of my blog? Hope you liked it! Please inspire me to write more!